The Wren’s Nest Possibly Under New Old Ownership

Written on August 22, 2008 at 10:09 am, by Lain Shakespeare


(Gallant executive director LAIN SHAKESPEARE prepares to leave the Wren’s Nest when the doorbell rings.  CRAZY WOMAN IN PINK, who had been seen mysteriously rolling a suitcase around in the back yard, appears at the door. LAIN does not know she is crazy.)

LAIN: Hi!  Are you here for a tour?

WOMAN: Yes!  May I come in?

LAIN: Actually, we closed at 2:30.  And normally I’d let you come in but I’m running late.

WOMAN: Aha!  Will you be open tomorrow?  And how much does a tour cost?

LAIN: Yes, and it’s $8 for adults.

WOMAN: Would you charge me if I said this was my house?

(LAIN cannot respond to this question and stares vacantly for nine beats.)

LAIN:  …yes, I think I would.

WOMAN:  But this is my house.  I built it.  So you’re going to charge me to see it!?!

LAIN: (voice cracking) …oh?

WOMAN: Yes, I built this house with my husband and my brother.

LAIN: (pointing to the house) Are we… talking about… the Wren’s Nest?

WOMAN: Yes!  In fact, I have things planted all around the house.

LAIN: Things?  What kind of things?

WOMAN: (ignoring this) When my husband and I divorced, we decided to keep this house as neutral ground.  So we can both come here.

(LAIN squints real hard, as if it will make this woman make sense.)

WOMAN:  At least, that’s the way it is until I can move all my stuff out.

LAIN: What kind of stuff do you have in here?

WOMAN: (smiling wide) My Ouija board.  And Jumanji.  Have you ever heard of Jumanji?  Say, is this house haunted?

LAIN: Ma’am?  I don’t think so.  Do you have somewhere you can stay?

WOMAN: This is my house.

LAIN: Yes, but I mean for toni–

WOMAN: (emphatically, but with a smile) My house.

(LAIN and WOMAN exchange awkward goodbye, ending the most confusing conversation that has occurred on the premises in recent memory.)

EDIT, 1:59 PM:  (Editor’s note–In my rush to get everything down on paper, I totally forgot the wackiest part!  Please forgive, and you can insert these lines anywhere above where it makes sense.)

LAIN: So, um, what’s your name?  How long have you been in the neighborhood?

WOMAN: I am the mother of time.

16 Comments to The Wren’s Nest Possibly Under New Old Ownership

  1. Ida Beth says:

    Very strange. Did she go away and stay away?
    Do you have a number you can call in situations like this?

  2. Rachel says:

    She was a land-pirate! Did she have one of the following: a.) fake leg b.) a gold tooth c.) a parrot? Land pirates are also known for carrying a.) belongings b.) medication. My advice is to stay away from these elusive creatures.

  3. lain says:

    Ida Beth, she left promptly. And luckily West End has a Security Patrol, so we tell them whenever fishy stuff happens.

    Rachel, I had suspected land-piracy but I wasn’t sure. I mean, her words said: “LAND PIRATE!” but her body language, appearance, and demeanor said, “Pleased to meet your acquaintance, sir.”

    The things she said were delivered so smoothly I wondered if she was doing a project for an acting class.

  4. Kirk says:

    When you say Crazy woman in pink, what do you mean exactly? What kind of outfit was she wearing? I picture a woman in a bright pink blazer and skirt to the knee with a lighter pink button down shirt. She is also wearing one of those crazy large hats covered in birds, the kind they wear at the Kentucky Derby. None of this is clean, she looks rather disheveled as if she has been sleeping in the park for a few nights. Her Magenta suitcase is full of treasures she has pilfered from other land pirates, mostly cans and banana peels.

  5. David Rogers says:

    I told you to invest in a few cutlasses around the place, Lain.

  6. lain says:

    Kirk, I can see why you’d think that. Unfortunately for me and you, you’re wrong.

    She had a pink shirt (some might call it a top), and jeans that may or may not have been bespangled in some fashion. Her rolling suitcase matched her pink shirt, so pink was the overwhelming color.

    She was a black woman with long braided hair and a nice, big smile. I’d say she was between 27 and 35 years old. Except for the fact that she had a rolling suitcase, there was nothing really out of the ordinary. She couldn’t have been more pleasant and matter-of-fact.

    That was probably the weirdest part.

    David, I’m currently saving up for my first cutlass. I’ll keep you updated.

  7. Deborah Aziz says:

    Classic…absolutely classic.

  8. Kirk says:

    If she is the Mother of Time, I am assuming that her Husband and Brother who helped her build the Wrens Nest are Father Time and Captain Planet.

  9. lain says:

    Kirk, Captain Planet is from Atlanta, so you may be right.

  10. griftdrift says:

    Tough call between this and the woman sleeping in the car.

  11. decaturite says:

    I think it was a vision, giving the gallant director a little nudge in the right direction…

    What does it mean?

    Call up Robin Williams and Zoo Atlanta and you’ve got a fund-raising blockbuster on your hands!

    I would totally give hundreds of dollars to spend an afternoon being chased by monkeys and tigers in the Wren’s Nest.

  12. […] — And finally, Mother Time pays a visit to the Wren’s Nest to claim the Ouija Board she left there decades ago. Bookmark It […]

  13. Miltyanna says:

    WOW have you all heard of wren park the hounted nursing home?i have i have been down in the cells and my mums boss is the boss of that place!Wren park was built probaly 150 years ago sine it was made i think in 1886!

  14. Miltyanna says:

    oh and i forgot to mension i am only 10!

  15. […] Previously: The Wren’s Nest Possibly Under New Old Ownership […]

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